(not) meant to be

it seems to be the end of the world
when the clock turns to five o'clock
and a sigh creeps up my throat,
because i know any moment now

you'll say goodnight
you'll say goodbye
and i'll stare at my ceiling
and blink in the dark.

the clock in my head starts
counting down within a second
of the message coming through
and i close my eyes and curse

i don't know when i became this
person. alone, soft, maybe clingy.
people would use a multitude of
words, for someone who can hardly

go an hour, without the beep of your
message, and the tell tale of your smile
behind my computer screen. the tell tales
of your emotions, and the ups and downs.

i distract myself, i throw myself into work
into study, into dance and music. i try to
take my mind off you. but you remain there,
in all the corners, never paying rent.

and yet i could never kick you out, i'd miss
you too much. i crave you every second of
the day. i'd fight the ocean if it meant, we
could be together for a mere few moments.

just long enough to kiss your lips. long enough
to hold you close, hold my hand in your hair
and hold you tightly to me. to smell you, to
feel you, to brush skin and teeth.

maybe that is never meant to be,
or perhaps, not just yet. soon.
surely soon enough. a few months
a few years.

but i can't shake this dread
that it's not meant to be.

Deadbeat Kids

we could run from these deadbeat towns
we could run to the horizon, and watch
the silhouettes behind us shrink until
they're nothing more.

we could pack our things and leave tonight.
we could run away from the world we hate.
we could rush away, catch a train, catch a
plane, until ants are all we see.

we could run to each other, fall into each
other's arms, cup cheeks, mesh lips. we
could join bodies, entwine our legs,
interlock our fingers.

but we never will.

we're just a couple of deadbeat kids
stuck in our deadbeat towns
living our deadbeat lives.

and nothing will ever change