it seems to be the end of the world
when the clock turns to five o'clock
and a sigh creeps up my throat,
because i know any moment now
you'll say goodnight
you'll say goodbye
and i'll stare at my ceiling
and blink in the dark.
the clock in my head starts
counting down within a second
of the message coming through
and i close my eyes and curse
i don't know when i became this
person. alone, soft, maybe clingy.
people would use a multitude of
words, for someone who can hardly
go an hour, without the beep of your
message, and the tell tale of your smile
behind my computer screen. the tell tales
of your emotions, and the ups and downs.
i distract myself, i throw myself into work
into study, into dance and music. i try to
take my mind off you. but you remain there,
in all the corners, never paying rent.
and yet i could never kick you out, i'd miss
you too much. i crave you every second of
the day. i'd fight the ocean if it meant, we
could be together for a mere few moments.
just long enough to kiss your lips. long enough
to hold you close, hold my hand in your hair
and hold you tightly to me. to smell you, to
feel you, to brush skin and teeth.
maybe that is never meant to be,
or perhaps, not just yet. soon.
surely soon enough. a few months
a few years.
but i can't shake this dread
that it's not meant to be.
